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2) While campaigning, Al Gore was walking thru a small town when he
came upon a group of about a dozen young boys standing around a dog.
Concerned that the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked,
"What are you boys doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is a neighborhood stray. We all want him,
but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us
can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
Of course, the vice-president was taken aback.
"You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed.
He then launched into a ten-minute sermon against lying, beginning,
"Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age,
I never told a lie!" There was dead silence for about a minute.
Just as the VP was starting to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy
gave a deep sigh and said... "DAMN - All right, give him the dog!
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1) * What men say and what they "really" mean. *
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed,
and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"I HEARD YOU."
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that
I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a
stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."